Marriages have problems. I know that sounds negative, but it is true. If you thought everything was going to be perfect when you married because you had found “Miss Right” or “Mr. Right,” think again! Even after many years of marriage, there will still be challenges. Marriage, after all, involves a man and a woman with human frailties. We all make mistakes.
What causes problems in marriage? To start with, there is certainly a difference between men and women. I am not just talking about the obvious physical differences. For instance, women are usually more romantic. Men generally want to be recognized for accomplishments. They want the wife to admire them. Women want their husbands to listen and empathize. Men usually do not want to get into a deep discussion about feelings. Problems also come from how to handle finances, problems with in-laws, how to correct and/or punish children, etc.
What do we do with challenges in marriage? The number one answer is: love one another, from the heart, fervently. Make sure you show and communicate to your spouse your utmost commitment to the marriage; understanding it is a lifetime commitment. Always make sure your spouse is emotionally secure in the relationship, even when there is conflict. Determine to let God’s Word be your guide in solving problems. Each spouse must be dedicated to the Lord and be living according to the will of God. These steps will take you a long way in handling problems in marriage.
In addition, always keep the lines of communication open. Do not keep things from your spouse that he or she deserves and needs to know. Honesty is always the best policy. Keep in mind Matthew 7:12 and treat you spouse as you wish to be treated.
Somewhere along the way, someone came up with a good way to handle disagreements. (1) Discuss one matter at a time. Do not bring up past problems unless pertinent. (2) Calmly state the problem and offer solutions, not blame. Decide together what is needed to work out the problem and then (3) implement the solutions. Do not use expressions like “you always” or “you never.” Do not say, “What’s wrong with you!” Rather use expressions such as “I feel,” “please,” “I’m sorry” and “I love you.”
Finally, if you need help, get help. Let the preacher or elders give you guidance from the Word of God. If your problems are beyond their knowledge and ability, they can recommend professional help. Remember, true love is the key.
