When I was 16 yrs old, I got married. That was about 40 yrs ago. After about four months of marriage, my husband left. I tried to reconcile, but to no avail. As far as I know there was no other woman involved. He divorced me. I finished high school and met my current husband and we married. Now 38 yrs, two grown married daughters, four grandchildren and one on the way, my husband’s plans on divorcing me because he says we were never married and that I am still married to my first husband (who is remarried and has a family also). He gave me your name to contact and said you would stand by his position. Is this correct? I need an answer. I am devastated. Our children have severed their relationship with him. He has not left our home yet because I have been ill. I would appreciate any info you can give me on this. I’ve read the scriptures on this but it is difficult for me to believe that God wants my husband to walk out on his family. Respectfully, Patricia
I feel for your circumstances, including whatever present illness you may be experiencing. Especially with only encapsulated or minimal information, I am hardly in a position to make definitive, forever life-altering decisions for you or anyone else. Further, of course, it is not my prerogative to enforce God’s laws on others; we have a lawgiver for that, who lest we fool ourselves will certainly decide all cases, yours and mine (howbeit with finality in Judgment after which it will be too late make any course alterations respecting eternity). “There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?” ( James 4:12).
However, because waiting for Final Judgment can be fatal to one’s eternal disposition, let us provide some food for thought. If we are interested in biblical, factual information, we must attempt to use the Scriptures objectively to ascertain the will of God. That being said, some information provided is immaterial to the biblical answer for the question at hand. First entering into marriage at the age of 16 is immaterial. How long ago either the first marriage ended or a second marriage occurred is immaterial, too. That children and grandchildren came from the second marriage likewise is immaterial to finding a biblical answer for your inquiry. Finally, because one is emotionally or psychologically vulnerable to one’s investment also is immaterial to finding a biblical answer.
Jesus provides one exception for marriage, divorce and remarriage (by the innocent spouse). “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Under Judaism, Ezra 10 records the obligation of God’s people in that dispensation to put away the strange wives that biblically they had not been allowed to marry, as well as the children born to them. In addition, a large number of articles addressing several passages respecting the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage appear in the archives of Gospel Gazette Online; they can be located through use of the search engine on the Archive page.
God’s law is not so difficult to understand, but we humans have often done (perhaps in ignorance) whatever we opted to do before consulting the Word of God for direction. Given our current society, no area of biblical inspection is more neglected or more painful to observe after the fact than biblical instruction about marriage, divorce and remarriage. Jesus has restored the ideal of the original marriage law (Matthew 19:9). The reference to Ezra 10 illustrates the principle that God’s law trumps emotional investment, even when marriage and children are involved. If you or your current husband upon examining biblical instruction realize that from a purely biblical perspective, without the emotional element attempting to override divine law for the Gospel Age, that you are not permitted biblically to be married to each other, for the salvation of your respective souls, you must conform to what Jesus said, as painful as it may be.
Yet, your husband has a moral obligation toward the family (wife and children) that resulted from the marriage (1 Timothy 5:8). Outside of the sexual aspect of marriage and the sleeping arrangements (plus any appearance of impropriety), there are many aspects of the relationship sustained between you two and your children that may not have to change substantially. When it has not been known outside of the confidence of the husband and wife, with adjustments just mentioned, some have continued to rear the children already born to them, etc.
If the situation is as your husband and you represent, both of you need to acknowledge repentance to God, make necessary adjustments to bring your continued association into compliance with the Word of God, and continue to satisfy any mutual obligations toward each other as well as your offspring.
