Husbands
“Love your wives and be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:19). It will take time for wives to grow in submission, but husbands need to remember that the command to obey is for the wife to submit and not for the husband to force her to submit.
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it and to love their wives as their own bodies (Ephesians 5:25-28). Putting yourself, your work or anything else ahead of her is not consistent with this command. The goal is to encourage (not demand) the wife to grow to be holy and without blemish (spiritually). This love requires time, attention and a sincere concern for her physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
The wisdom that is from above is gentle, peaceable and easy to be entreated (James 3:17). God told Abraham to listen to Sarah. Changing one’s mind is not a sign of weakness (Genesis 21:12).
Wives
Obey your husbands as it is fit in the Lord (Colossians 3:18). What is “fit” is for wives to be subject to their husbands “in everything” as the church is to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). The only exception would be if he commanded her to disobey God (Acts 5:29). The husband’s authority is in matters of judgment. Submitting only when you agree with him or think he knows what he’s talking about is not submission. A woman merely having short hair is a dishonor to her husband (1 Corinthians 11:5). How serious, then, are rebellious words and deeds towards him? “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that makes ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4).
Fathers
Train your children; don’t discourage them. “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
God puts the responsibility on the fathers for how the children are raised. Fathers need to be actively involved in the rearing (training) of their children. Providing for them physically is important, but the main job is to train them (Proverbs 22:6).
Mothers
Mothers have a responsibility to train children, too. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it“ (Proverbs 22:6). Love your children and be keepers at home (Titus 2:4-5). “Keepers at home” literally means, “house guard,” not just guarding their bodies, but most importantly, their souls.
Mothers have to learn from older Christian women how to have God’s love towards their children: this means they have to learn how to train the children the right way. “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed“ (Titus 2:3-5).
Timothy 5:14 tells mothers they are literally to be the “house despots.” However, there should be one law (one set of rules) in the house, which flows from God, through the father, through the mother and to the children (Proverbs 6:20). This requires much advance planning, discussion and praying by husbands and wives. The mother is the enforcer of the family laws while the head of the house is away. Mothers who leave their children to themselves will be brought to shame (Proverbs 29:15).
Children
“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). Compare with “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Obeying parents lasts for a few years; honoring them lasts a lifetime (1 Timothy 5:4, 8, 16).
