Are you a good listener? Listening is a true learned discipline that many of us would have to admit we are still working on. I want to be a better listener! I want to truly learn this wonderful discipline, to really be able to help people and myself better. Listening well is more difficult than it may seem, whether in a counseling situation or in a conversation. You likely think you are better at it than you really are. If we can master its art, it becomes our most effective tool in solving problems, changing attitudes and motivating others! It is often so difficult to really listen to another person’s feelings, hurts, disappointments, joys or concerns. Why? Usually, we are busy thinking of what we will say or how we will react to the other person’s statement or question. The Good Book clearly states, “…let every man be swift to hear…” (James 1:19b). What are some practical ways I can be a better listener? How can I be “swift to hear”?
Firstly, focus your attention. If we are not focused on the conversation at hand, we can never be good listeners. We are often far too focused on our reaction, our answer or our feelings that we are distracted on what another is really saying. Learn to repeat back exactly what the other person has stated to make certain that you heard him or her correctly. Phrases like, “So are you saying” or “Did I understand you correctly?” will really help with your focus and attention to the other person’s words. Also, work at “desensitizing” your triggers and temper. Far too often, some become instantly angry at another’s words, so much so, that the rest of the conversation is not even heard. The wise man affirmed, “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29 ESV). “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:22). Oh, for the times this author should have heeded this divine advice! Better listeners focus their attention!
Secondly, forego your answers. We are often so quick to speak, before we really think the situation through completely. The Lord’s half-brother clearly affirmed that every man should be, “…slow to speak…” (James 1:19b). “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent” (Proverbs 17:28). “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (Proverbs 21:23). While it is not always the easiest thing to do, keeping silent is often the best thing to do! You do not have to answer everything right away. If we learn to engage the mind before we engage the mouth, how much better would our lives would be! Someone has correctly said that God gave us two ears and one mouth; therefore, we should listen at least twice as much as we speak! Better listeners forego their answers!
Thirdly, feel for your associate. Compassion, sympathy and empathy are invaluable traits to help us be better listeners. Seeing another’s “point of view” will aid greatly in the art of listening better. When Jesus saw people, “He had compassion on them” (Matthew 9:36; 20:34). In other words, Jesus felt for others. Feeling for those with whom we are communicating helps bring a special element of love, concern and empathy into the equation. Even those with whom we disagree can be viewed through different eyes when we really feel for their situation and understand better why they may be saying the things they are saying. The words to a song of yesteryear speak to this end, “Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes, Yeah before you abuse, criticize, and accuse, walk a mile in my shoes.” Better listeners feel for their associate!
Imagine how many marriages could be saved, congregations be unified, people be united and wars never started if only we were better listeners! What kind of listener are you? Someone has astutely pointed out that the word “listen” has the same letters as the word silent! Listen patiently, lovingly and carefully, and enjoy all that you have been missing! “Let every man be swift to hear…”
