Colossians 3:21 reads, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Men tend to have a harsh or hard tone to their voices. Men tend to be stricter in what they want and when they want things. Men tend to have short tempers. This is not true for every man, but it is more likely a man will have these problems than a woman.
In the context of our verse above, Paul gave rules by which people should live. They are not suggestions. They are imperatives, meaning they must be followed. Specifically, the apostle addressed wives, husbands, children, fathers and servants.
Fathers need to be careful in their dealings with their children. They should not rule their children in such a way that the child is discouraged. The word “provoke” is from a Greek word that means one creates and arouses anger or wrongful strong emotions. The father in this instance, is one who always finds wrong or shortcomings in the child. The father does not hesitate to always negatively criticize the child. There is very little protective and positive reinforcement from the father. The father is not necessarily angry. In fact, the father may think he is helping the child by pointing out the child’s perceived failures. This behavior will make the child angry. The child’s creativity, imagination, determination and will to succeed is severely harmed or destroyed. More importantly, the child’s spiritual world is harmed. The child may see the father as being a hypocrite when it comes to spiritual things. The child may be discouraged from obeying God.
The word “provoke” is also used in Ephesians 6:4, which reads, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” A different Greek word is used in this verse. This word means that a person is angry, acts out that anger and brings another person up to that level of anger or wrath. In this instance, the father sees or hears something that angers him. His emotion boils over, possibly to wrath, and he strikes out at his child. He does and says things in a moment of emotional outburst that makes the child extremely angry. The child may even respond in wrath. This wrongful exchange spiritually harms not only the father but the child as well.
God chose to use two different words in very similar verses to cover all aspects of how a father might wrongfully deal with his children. (The mother is covered by these verses as well.) Study your Bible. Learn what God wants you to know to be a proper father or mother. Learn how God wants children to be cared for by parents. Share that knowledge with parents and with other children. If any of this is hard to understand, ask an adult to help you.
