Is unscriptural divorce and remarriage adultery if there is no sexual intercourse? Instead of divorcing again and living apart, this couple decides not to have any physical contact that involves intercourse. Thank you.
The lone reason provided in the New Testament for divorce and remarriage was provided by Jesus Christ Himself. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9 NKJV). The singular instruction for spouses who have divorced for any other reason is provided by the apostle Paul, who affirms that He is conveying what Jesus Christ taught. “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).
What the questioner asks essentially is whether persons divorced for a reason other than adultery and who contract a civilly approved marriage that God does not recognize as a valid marriage may pretend to be married in the eyes of God. Put that way, it appears to me to be an iffy scenario at best. The clearer and certain course of action would be not to pretend to be married. That does not diminish moral responsibility for any children already brought into this world through such a union, and it would not lessen financial responsibility owed the woman with whom one may have fathered children. Living apart would not have to negate a morally upright friendship.
I have heard from a highly regarded, conservative Gospel preacher who did advise a couple as described in the question above that they could continue to live together, appearing to be husband and wife, but without the physical relationship otherwise one of the benefits of marriage. In the case he cited, at the death of one of the spouses years later, the survivor claimed that they had maintained their pledge through the years of not having sexual intercourse.
Personally, I am aware of another occasion when a young couple were advised by congregational leadership that such an arrangement would be satisfactory. The couple became incensed later when asked about any difficulties they may be experiencing under those circumstances. However, the introduction of another child into that home answered that question regarding them.
There are other considerations, too, in addition to whether it may be permissible and workable for a man and a woman to pretend to be married without the benefits of sex. Is it publicly known (or may it come to light later) that the couple do not have a biblical right to be married? If so, it generally appears to fellow Christians that they are living in adultery. I know for a fact that adulterous relationships permitted to persist within a congregation engender more fornication and adultery among its members. This was also clearly taught in 1 Corinthians 5. Furthermore, how would this situation unfold in our efforts to reach non-Christians in the community if they are aware that members of the church are permitted to live together, apparently in adultery?
There is a way that cannot be wrong, regarding this type of relationship. There is always a way that certainly is in harmony with God’s teaching for us in the New Testament. The alternative plan is not as certain, and who dares risk his or her eternal future on a doubtful course?
