The Devil’s Beatitudes

  • If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:
  • Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians — they are my best workers.
  • Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked — I can use them.
  • Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church — they are my missionaries.
  • Blessed are the troublemakers — they shall be called my children.
  • Blessed are the complainers — I’m all ears to them.
  • Blessed are those who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes — for they get nothing out of his sermons.
  • Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church — for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.
  • Blessed are those who gossip — for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.
  • Blessed are those who are easily offended — for they will soon get angry and quit.
  • Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God’s work — for they are my helpers.
  • Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister — for he shall be with me forever.
  • Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people and not you — I’ve got you too! Now, read Matt. 5-6-7!

Author